In the last year or so I started to see so many people of my age that have done truly incredible things and still doing more.
For the vast majority of my life my only goals were gettimg academic satisfaction and doing unproductive stuff in the free time to get temporary pleasure. No end goal whatsoever.
I kind of don’t know what I’ve been doing in the last 17 years while someone gets a patent on solar systems, other invents a new recyclable plastic, and another found a successful startup. I mean, they all find what they’re supposed to be doing with their lives and excel in them.
I feel overwhelmed for trying to pace up with these kind of people. Yet I don’t like the way the things are and I can’t do anything but envy those people.
Anyone with experience in this regard? How did you deal with this? Did you eventually “pace up” with these people or was it too late or an unattainable goal?
Edit: Whoops, I didn’t expect so many replies! Thanks, I’ll look into them all
The best way to be miserable in life is to compare yourself to others. Just do your best, thats all that matters
I’m really trying to not make this a way to mess up with my mental state, but instead a search on how to achieve the best of myself. I just want to know how these people are waking up in the morning and do the stuff they do.
one of my psychologist friends said a long time ago “if you don’t keep improving yourself, then what’s the point in living”.
you’re clearly already taking steps on self-improvement and personal introspection, which is probably one of the hardest things a human can do.
honestly you’re already kicking goals if you try and be a better person each day. No one can ask more of you.
The best time to make a change in your life was 10 years ago, the second best time is now.
Don’t base your happiness on your achievements as compared to others. Life isn’t deterministic, every person is working with a different set of skills and circumstances. Set your own goals based on what you want to do, and work toward that.
If you don’t know what you want to do, start trying new things.
Hell, If I clean/do chores, exercise, or cook a meal after work I call it a win for that day.
I do the reverse. If there was something else I could do that day, it’s lost. And goddamn so often I do mistakes and feel bad about it.
Life has no purpose. You cannot waste it. You only live and die. Do what you want, or don’t. It doesn’t matter.
Looks like someone has been reading the book of Ecclesiastes!
It’s not just you, it’s all of us. But what people really regret when they are facing the end is perhaps different from your fears as expressed here.
Five wishes of the dying:
- “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
- “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
- “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
- “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
- “I wish I had let myself be happier”
From The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing by Bronnie Ware
Nah. I look back at Tesla. One of the greatest people to have blessed our planet. Certainly among the top if not the top inventor to have existed. But I don’t envy any part of his life.
How about Turing? Another great example. The father of computer science and AI. A great person too. One of the most accomplished human beings, even back when he was alive. I don’t envy any part of his life.
I sure have picked unfortunate examples. But these should highlight how success alone isn’t enough. I don’t think life satisfaction lies in obtaining more, but rather wanting less. If you observe well, you’ll notice people living very simple lives and being very happy while at it. How about the wealthiest person, Musk. Does he look satisfied with life and happy? I don’t think a happy person would behave that way.
If you have so little, then perhaps you can afford greater risks. If you can’t afford greater risks, then perhaps you don’t have so little.
I’m not fully versed on the life of these people but as far as I know Tesla had financial difficulties through out and Turing got targeted by anti-sodomy laws at the time (not related to his achievements). I definitely envy almost all parts of their lives, I’m not sure why you’d say that.
Musk straight out got deranged these days and is definitely an exception when you consider all the wealthy people. Zuck, Bezos etc. all quiet people in general.
I think I much appreciate success and accomplishing stuff than comfort, like I’d sacrifice my lifestyle if that meant I can do stuff
I’m a father.
I know that life is fleeting. Consider it a success if you’re remembered in 2 generations after you pass.
Am I saying “have kids”? No. I just know that what I taught to them will be passed on. Even if my name was lost, my contribution wasn’t.
We live on by what we pass on. You’re not a failure when you stop trying to keep up with the Joneses. If one idea continues, so do you.
Everything comes with a cost. To be successful in one area means missing out in others. Everyone likes to post their success on Facebook or LinkedIn, but they also don’t post about all the evenings spent arguing with their wife or missing out on their children growing up or whatever. Success is not easily defined.
Most people like to keep things balanced, as in not having extreme losses in one area, but that also means that they’re not successful in something particular. That kind of balance is a success in itself, though it’s rather invisible.
You’re not supposed to do anything in your life. When the grim reaper comes along you won’t be able to bring it along.
You’re not dead. Be successful in whatever you want.
When you look at someone else’s life, you only see the Highlights Reel. You don’t hear about all the boring in between moments, their struggles with imposter syndrome and insecurities, their relational arguments or troubles with their family, all the BS.
Life isn’t about keeping up.
It’s a parlor trick, magically coming into existence for a fraction of a moment in this infiniteness of time and space. The best thing we can do is cherish the miracle and squeeze the most happiness for the time we have. It’s respecting life.
For some, that means service to others. For others, it’s patenting science projects. And then there’s those that find it in an honest job, being good to people they love, and exploring hobbies from time to time.
Happiness is definitely not a contest. Especially one that you put yourself through fully knowing you won’t win.
But if you feel like you need more value in your life, it’s never too late to do something new.
I’m just enjoying the ride. Not concerned about wasting time or achievement. Kudos to those who strive to make a difference. I’m just happy to be here!
Hmm, take it easy on yourself. You don’t have to be someone known. Just enjoy what you have and stay satisfied. I know its harder to do than to say but human desires can keep you wanting for whole life.
Our realm is full of noisy things, making us chase/desire what we don’t have, and that is deliberate.
Fill your life with positivity, Change your prescription. Greed and envy will only give you negativity.
There can only be so many people with impressive achievements in a world of 8 billion people that deserves to be recorded in the history books. And then you should think about the millions and millions of people lost to history and prehistory (pre writing) period that have left this world with barely a trace of even the city that they and thousands of their community occupied. So many people completely and totally lost to time.
When I think about it like that, I realize it’s my ego making me feel bad for not “accomplishing” something when there’s so few of us who get to alter the thread of civilization.
Funny…as I age I tend to have a similar view. But we’re told hindsight is 20/20. The one motivating factor for me is the fact that a lot of what I have accomplished has made a difference to those who have shared in it. Which, to me, means we’re doing incredible things people envy just at a different scale. Besides…there may not be a tomorrow, but there is always a today to do something better.
“But what do you really want to do with your life?” is a question that comes up a lot in our lives. I’ve spent a chunk of my life trying to find the answer before realizing that what I want to do or think I should be doing is inconsequential. The important question is how you want to feel. You could patent the whole universe and be the richest person on earth and still feel like a failure or an imposter. That’s why rich and famous celebrities kill themselves – despite achieving what everyone desires, the promised happiness remains elusive, if not even more distant.
As time marches on, you’ll find yourself remembering lesser and lesser of what you did with so and so, but you’ll always remember how they make you feel.
How you feel has to do with your attitude in life. You can feel happy and contented right here and right now, without changing anything externally. Live every moment as if it’s your last, then you’ll always know what’s important in life.
In 100 years, very few of those people will be remembered. In 1000 years very, very few of them will have had a tangible, lasting impact on the world.
We are meaningless specs of dust in the universe. Don’t hold yourself accountable to imaginary standards being set by the rare few that manage to create a footprint a microcosim larger than the spec of dust they are. Enjoy yourself and create as much joy as you can in your tiny corner of reality as possible, and you’ll have lived a damn good life.
I’ve improved my life quite a lot but it’s hard to give advice to others.
The comparison mindset is really bad though. It literally doesn’t matter what another monkey on this planet does. Your thoughts about how to improve your life are ones you have to discuss with yourself (maybe guided by a therapist). There is no wrong way to live but you have to make the choice on how you want to.
