I’m not a mathemagician or a physexiest, so it’s safe to assume my assumptions are wild and my calculations suspect.
- Blue whales weigh between 90,000 and 180,000 kg. Let’s go right in the middle at 135,000 kg.
- A deviantart post from 2014 says Blue whales are as dense as water (approximately).
- According to an online calculator, seawater weighs 1,021kg/m^3 (I figure whales are salty, because of climate change and the centuries of being hunted to near extinction).
- If we assume that weight equals volume, then the same calculator puts our whale at 132.1m^3
- And, obviously, that doesn’t work for my porpoises. So we grind the whale into a slurry, and freeze it into a ball. Using an online tool to find the radius of a sphere from the volume, we come up with 31.6, which I assume is meters.
- Doubling that (in my head!) to get the diameter, we’d wind up with a ball that is about 63.2 meters across.
- Using this online calculator of unknown provenance, we put in a diameter of 63.2m, a velocity of 9.8m/s (earth’s gravity!), an angle of 90 (because our masticated and spheroidified whale would of course be dropped from space like a cartoon anvil), and selecting ice as the material, it says the crater would have a radius of 324 meters, with ejecta spread about twice that.
Not enough to destroy the whole thing, but enough to wipe out St. Peter’s Basilica, and do a lot of damage to the rest of it.













Always a good call, besides, why be a dick when you can be ridiculous?