The sex is really good and enjoyable, and plentiful. I have a high sex drive and it’s been a struggle to find someone who’s a god match for both the rather extreme amount and style that I’ve always wished for. (Could be part of the addiction?)
The really big one is that I’ve been going through cancer all year. And he ran toward me, not away. He nursed me after surgery so tenderly, kindly, lovingly. I’ve never in my life known anything like it. He knows all the bullshit and details about the whole experience. We have gone through it all together. I was helpless for a chunk of it, terrifying to someone like me who couldn’t ask for help. I have never in my life felt so safe and cared for. Oddly enough he says he looks forward to caring for me like that again after the next surgery. It’s stunning.
I suppose it’s bought my undying loyalty. I only wish it went both ways.
Also, I’m basically a deeply lonely person. I had a cold, cruel family of origin, pretty extreme combo of neglect and emotional abuse. I’ve made poor choices in my life romantically, always choosing selfish people and trying to ignore my own needs too, which I’m very good at. This guy is selfish, but also loves to care for me quite selflessly. It’s bewildering and humbling and welcome like rain in the desert.
Not sure if you watch ‘It’s Always Sunny’, but it sounds a lot like he’s using the D.E.N.N.I.S system on you.
D- Demonstrate Value
E- Engage Physically
N- Nurture Dependence
N- Neglect Emotionally
I- Inspire Hope
S- Separate Entirely
Seems like he’s bouncing around between the Ns and I. You come across as intelligent and like you have a really good eye on how you think / feel, so you probably know full well what I’m about to say… but all the love and care doesn’t mean much if he’s fucking other people behind your back. Does he know that you know? Have you had any serious conversations about it?
I’m genuinely curious why you haven’t dumped him.
Couple of good reasons.
The sex is really good and enjoyable, and plentiful. I have a high sex drive and it’s been a struggle to find someone who’s a god match for both the rather extreme amount and style that I’ve always wished for. (Could be part of the addiction?)
The really big one is that I’ve been going through cancer all year. And he ran toward me, not away. He nursed me after surgery so tenderly, kindly, lovingly. I’ve never in my life known anything like it. He knows all the bullshit and details about the whole experience. We have gone through it all together. I was helpless for a chunk of it, terrifying to someone like me who couldn’t ask for help. I have never in my life felt so safe and cared for. Oddly enough he says he looks forward to caring for me like that again after the next surgery. It’s stunning.
I suppose it’s bought my undying loyalty. I only wish it went both ways.
Also, I’m basically a deeply lonely person. I had a cold, cruel family of origin, pretty extreme combo of neglect and emotional abuse. I’ve made poor choices in my life romantically, always choosing selfish people and trying to ignore my own needs too, which I’m very good at. This guy is selfish, but also loves to care for me quite selflessly. It’s bewildering and humbling and welcome like rain in the desert.
I wasn’t expecting this kind of reply, you are in a more shitty position than I initially thought.
I know this doesn’t help but I don’t know what to say to you.
You should seek for the best mental health you can get to deal with your current condition.
It is quite confusing for me why would he do that to you if he is a good support for you as well, maybe he needs mental support more lol.
I’m not trying to be harsh, hope you get these things sorted out!
You write good.
Not sure if you watch ‘It’s Always Sunny’, but it sounds a lot like he’s using the D.E.N.N.I.S system on you.
D- Demonstrate Value
E- Engage Physically
N- Nurture Dependence
N- Neglect Emotionally
I- Inspire Hope
S- Separate Entirely
Seems like he’s bouncing around between the Ns and I. You come across as intelligent and like you have a really good eye on how you think / feel, so you probably know full well what I’m about to say… but all the love and care doesn’t mean much if he’s fucking other people behind your back. Does he know that you know? Have you had any serious conversations about it?