Finally found the man I thought I would marry, but the breakup came out of nowhere and I’m struggling to cope. What are the ways you’ve dealt with heartbreak in the past?
Time
This is the only real answer here.
Every other answer is in some way just making your perception of time accelerate.
But the only way to process emotional loss, of a close loved one; is with time. That’s just the way our brains are wired. We couldn’t survive as a species if we didn’t get numb to pain and trauma in the past.
Time with no contact. Any contact with the person and you are reopening the wound. Unfollow, block, they don’t exist.
No contact with the ex, but spend time with whatever community you are part of.
Sucks when you have kids with them and a shared friendship group.
Yes, time. But what do you do while the memories fade and replaced with? Friends, family, work, hobbies. I picked up a guitar after a devastating break-up that ate a lot of that time needed.
Yeah, the trick is to get really engaged into something that you don’t have time to think about it.
It’ll be hard. Just surround yourself with the people who matter most to you. Even if it’s mundane things like going to the grocery store together. Try to remind yourself that these feelings are only temporary. Good luck to you, sincerely. I spiraled very hard after my last heartbreak and it ruined my life for a while. Wouldn’t wish that on anyone else.
I don’t even really remember I think, I don’t even really feel like I’ve “dealt” with it. I’ll tell some of my experience but I won’t go into too much detail.
For us, we were even talking about marriage, but I did something wrong and I felt helpless after the break up, I couldn’t do anything, other problems arouse and I even started planning suicide.
I tried talking to other people, some related to the situation and some not, to get perspective on stuff, I even got a new job, but depression hit me hard once I started, so I quit soon after to get that under control which was fine, my financial situation was good enough to do this at the time.
Eventually I just started thinking about what I wanted in a relationship and somehow I stopped blaming myself, but now I have a anger I don’t know how to deal with towards her and her family, we see each other once a week during our martial arts class, and it keeps it kinda fresh on my mind but I love the class so I decided it’s worth it.
I’m talking to someone else, not really as a potential romantic partner but someone who I can be good friends with and if it goes that way then it’s a plus. I didn’t have the biggest friend group before and it got even smaller after the break up, so I’m trying to branch out.
I guess that’s how I dealt with it, focused on a hobby, and making new friends, making sure I got to talk it out with various people to make sure I didn’t get into an echo chamber (which my brain and family would be a major one)
I rode my bike in the woods. I would find a nice quiet spot and post up for 10 minutes and smoke a joint and then finish up my ride. If you’re gonna be sad you might as well be sad in nature. It’s therapeutic
Ugh, heartache is literally painful. I’m sorry you are going through that.
For me, getting iver someone has been a multi-pronged approach.
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Accept that I’m going to feel grief for a while…at least a few months. That’s okay and normal. Don’t fight it, don’t get mad at it. Just notice it and ride it out. Your brain has to severe the neural networks that were dedicated to him, while rebuilding new ones. This is a process that takes a while.
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Start connecting with friends that are healthy. They can be a nice source of validation, connection, and support.
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Work on a new project to have a focus. This can help in those moments where I’m sitting around ruminating with nothing to do or no desire to do anything. Even if I’m ruminating while doing the project, at least I’ll something to show for it when it’s over.
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Start a new hobby to define myself apart from the relationship. I’m going to be a new person.
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When ready, start throwing out all of their stuff. I even get rid of gifts. If it reminds me of then when I look at it, it’s gone.
Things will get easier as you stop thinking about them slowly over the next dew weeks to months. Eventually, they become someone that you used to know with no real meaning other than the lessons you learned from that experience.
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Do cool shit, and be awesome. Living well is the best way to get over the life you you wanted but will never be. The one constant in your entire life is you, so the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.
So take a solo road trip. See that movie in the theater that you heard was great. Treat yourself to a nice dinner at that fusion place you were wanting to check out. Read and learn about the world. Take a class in that language you wanted to learn. Bake yourself fancy treats. Take on a new hobby. Make art.
To be the kind of person others will find awesome, you have to first become that person; in so doing, the pain of losing that ideal life you are mourning will slowly fade. It will never vanish completely, but over time the pain will become minimal, like rediscovering a tiny paper cut on your finger that you’d forgotten about.
Treating it like being sick (like a cold) helps me. That way I justify taking it slow. It’s something that will pass and it’s totally normal to feel really bad. It will probably be better soon but I need a lot of rest/self-care.
Not gonna sugarcoat it – this will suck for a long time. For me it was friends, hookups and time that helped.
Friends let me forget for the time we hung out but also listened and just hugged me when I cried.
Hookups (and I realise this sounds vapid as shit) made me feel like I am still wanted and attractive.
Time made the thought of them sting less.
This will smost likely stick with you, but it’s going to be okay. It’s not going to hurt this badly forever. You will think of it less and less frequently. But you will have that scar. And that’s okay, I think.
Dive into a hobby or passion, or find one. Fitness is a great alternative because it helps rebuild your own self-confidence while giving you an outlet to vent some of your feelings. Try to do something more socially that may transition into making new connections slowly.
Edit: Music is also fantastic for this. Dive into playing an instrument.
