Year 1: Ok, this is kinda cool, but why does it keep fucking breaking?
Year 2: How is it still fucking breaking?
Year 3: I just don’t fucking care why it keeps breaking. I think I hate this program.
Year 4: I hate this program
Year 5: Let the hate flow through you, consume you. Feel the dark side flowing through your fingertips. Yes. Good. Why is it breaking? It’s the end users. Yes… they’ve been plotting against you from the beginning - hiding columns, erasing formulas and even…
merging cells
Que heavy breathing through a respirator.
Year 6: It’s a board meeting. They ask you if you can average all the moving averages of average sales per month and provide an exponential trendline to forecast growth on five million rows of data.
You say “sure, boss, I can knock that for you in Excel in about an hour or two.”
Your team leader interjects “I believe what he was trying to say was we’ll use Tableau and it will take about a month.”
You turn to him with a steely glare.
“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
Year 7: Your team leader is gone after you pointed out he fucked up one of your sheets that run the business by merging a cell. All data flows through you and the holy spreadsheet, and the board is terrified of firing you because no one knows how your sheets work but you and their entire inventory system would collapse if you leave.
But then the inevitable happens. Dissension in the ranks. The juniors talk of python, R, Tableau, Power BI - anything to release your dark hold upon the holy data. You could crush them all with a xlookup chain faster than they can type a SELECT statement. The Rebellion is coming, but you’re ready. You’ve discovered the Data Model, capable of building a relational database behind the hidden moons of Power Pivot, parsing tens of millions of rows - and your Death Star is almost complete.
You’re ready to unleash your dark fury when the fucking spreadsheet breaks again.
Year 8: New company. They ask if you know Excel. You just start cackling with a addictive gleam in your eye as tears start streaming down your face.
They hire you on the spot.
All they use is Excel. And Access.
You think, ok, this is kinda cool, but why does it keep fucking breaking?
Just started a new job two weeks ago, all they use is Excel and Access. Now you’ve got me scared, first job out of uni and feels like a lot of pressure.
We need a /c/MuseumOfLemmy to preserve this treasure in so that it may be cherished and studied by our children and our children’s children and many generations beyond.
Xlookup works fine for like 90% of cases, I save index match mainly for when I need to return multiple lookup values. In which case I load into BI because I always forget how index match works 😫
Yeah if its something ad hoc I’ll paste values but for sheets meant to be maintained I’ll do it in PQ through merges or calculated columns. Lookups get the job done but they are expensive ;)
It depends on how long you use it:
Year 1: Ok, this is kinda cool, but why does it keep fucking breaking?
Year 2: How is it still fucking breaking?
Year 3: I just don’t fucking care why it keeps breaking. I think I hate this program.
Year 4: I hate this program
Year 5: Let the hate flow through you, consume you. Feel the dark side flowing through your fingertips. Yes. Good. Why is it breaking? It’s the end users. Yes… they’ve been plotting against you from the beginning - hiding columns, erasing formulas and even…
merging cells
Que heavy breathing through a respirator.
Year 6: It’s a board meeting. They ask you if you can average all the moving averages of average sales per month and provide an exponential trendline to forecast growth on five million rows of data.
You say “sure, boss, I can knock that for you in Excel in about an hour or two.”
Your team leader interjects “I believe what he was trying to say was we’ll use Tableau and it will take about a month.”
You turn to him with a steely glare.
“I find your lack of faith disturbing.”
Year 7: Your team leader is gone after you pointed out he fucked up one of your sheets that run the business by merging a cell. All data flows through you and the holy spreadsheet, and the board is terrified of firing you because no one knows how your sheets work but you and their entire inventory system would collapse if you leave.
But then the inevitable happens. Dissension in the ranks. The juniors talk of python, R, Tableau, Power BI - anything to release your dark hold upon the holy data. You could crush them all with a xlookup chain faster than they can type a SELECT statement. The Rebellion is coming, but you’re ready. You’ve discovered the Data Model, capable of building a relational database behind the hidden moons of Power Pivot, parsing tens of millions of rows - and your Death Star is almost complete.
You’re ready to unleash your dark fury when the fucking spreadsheet breaks again.
Year 8: New company. They ask if you know Excel. You just start cackling with a addictive gleam in your eye as tears start streaming down your face.
They hire you on the spot.
All they use is Excel. And Access.
You think, ok, this is kinda cool, but why does it keep fucking breaking?
This comment should be UNESCO world heritage
Just started a new job two weeks ago, all they use is Excel and Access. Now you’ve got me scared, first job out of uni and feels like a lot of pressure.
Welcome to the dark side, young padawan…
We need a /c/MuseumOfLemmy to preserve this treasure in so that it may be cherished and studied by our children and our children’s children and many generations beyond.
!LemmySilverBot@lemmy.world
This is art
I am laughing about how after 7 years nobody has locked the sheets that run the business to avoid this specific thing.
Or maybe they were kocked and the team leader unlocked it so they could break it without saving a backup.
Damn as somebody with very little coding or IT background whatsoever but had to learn excel on my last 5 year of work, I understood it all.
Especially the cell merging… Spawn of the devil itself…
Still power query is quite addictive, the main reason why moving to OpenOffice is hard.
There’s no way they’re using xlookup at year 7. You can pry my index match from my cold dead hands.
Xlookup works fine for like 90% of cases, I save index match mainly for when I need to return multiple lookup values. In which case I load into BI because I always forget how index match works 😫
I should probably learn how BI works, but I’m mostly torturing excel to do things it was never intended to do.
Also I do a lot of lookups and xlookup will slow my sheet down.
Yeah if its something ad hoc I’ll paste values but for sheets meant to be maintained I’ll do it in PQ through merges or calculated columns. Lookups get the job done but they are expensive ;)
cackles manically in DAX
Why isn’t that “Merge Cells” button hidden behind 3 levels of menus up to this day?
Damn you just described my role but everything happened within a span of 3 years
🏅
The ending was great. Nice payoff.
*cue
!LemmySilver
I guess I’m just about at the end. How the fuck do I use access?
deleted by creator