So about 2 years ago, I moved away. Broken spirit broken person, over 3000 miles. However, yesterday I landed for my first visit back here. And I just feel weird. Like I’m not supposed to be here or something, it’s very ominous. I constantly feel anxious.
The weirdest thing was seeing how my parents have started to age. And the woods where I used to hang out are all housing developments now. I’m currently sleeping on a mattress in my old room, aka the office now, surrounded by random shelving and printers and stuff. it’s really a weird feeling in here too.
I don’t know what I expected but I definitely don’t feel like I’m “home”. It’s like some weird alternate dimension version of home. There’s still some people I’m yet to see and I wonder how that’s gonna go. So far everything already feels uncomfortably different. Alongside that, the rose tint has also come off and I have a lot of bad memories going through my head too instead of any sort of nostalgia. Almost like the different person I was back then is still lurking here somewhere watching me.
Anyone familiar with such a feeling, after being away for so long?
The town and hospital where I was born has a name I cannot pronounce and uses letters I can’t currently replicate.
I got lost driving in the town where the school was from which I graduated - and thus first learned to drive - since trashy bungalow sprawl has created new roads and subdivisions that all look alike. Thank fuck for gMaps, but fuck you to the pride that had me navigating by memory.
I’m okay getting lost where I am, now, as the place I’d go back to no longer exists and I’d probably get lost there too.