• Hyperreality
    81•5 months ago

    You’re joking, but a pro-tip: don’t talk (too much) about this kind of stuff when you’re romantically interested in someone. Make the first dates or ecounters with someone a positive experience, rather than ersatz therapy.

    It’s a mistake too many (lonely) men fall into when they feel a connection to someone new or also in longterm relationships.

    • GladiusB
      23•5 months ago

      I think they feel like they just want to be transparent. Which is cool. But, it can be too much sometimes.

      • Hyperreality
        34•5 months ago

        It’s not just that.

        It’s that a lot of (young) guys rarely get to talk about their emotions. So when they meet someone who seems to care about them, whether it be a prospective partner or a friend, they overshare. It all comes out in one big trauma/emotional dump.

        Which is fair enough. It has to come out some time, but it’s not particular fun, sexy or fair on the other person. Especially if it’s some young girl who has no clue how to deal with the twenty problems you just listed.

        Better to see a therapist, work on yourself, or talk to someone who’s prepared for it. Not on a third date at the theme park. Certainly not the entire story from childhood and all the stuff that they can’t easily solve anyway. Better to have fun together, maybe mention you were having a bit of a bad day, and thank them for making you feel better.

        Obviously, this is advice I should have followed when I was younger. It’s hard. We’re all human.

    • peopleproblems
      12•5 months ago

      Man if I ever get to a first date again I’ll be so anxious I tell them I’m completely fine

      • Hyperreality
        9•5 months ago

        Maybe something like: “I’ve had a bit of a bad day, but I’m really glad to see you. Let’s have fun together.” or at the end of the day “I was having a bit of a bad day, but you really helped me take my mind off it. Thank you.”

        You’ll feel heard. By the end of the date, they’ll feel like they helped you feel better, which will also make them feel good.

      • Mario_Dies.wav
        8•5 months ago

        It’s funny how he expects her to know who those YouTubers are lol

        I have heard of Boogie because of my interest in MTG, but I feel like that interviewer a lot when the kids start dropping names of YouTube celebrities I’m supposed to know

      • @PipedLinkBotBEnglish
        4•5 months ago

        Here is an alternative Piped link(s):

        Boogie2988 interview

        Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.

        I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.

      • Hyperreality
        20•5 months ago

        Nein, aber Ersatz ist auch ein englisches Wort und Freud hätte es gefallen.

        • @TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee
          -4•5 months ago

          I’ve never heard of ersatz therapy before but I did my master’s under an LMFT. search engine leads me to believe this is a kind of sexual surrogacy. is that right? I’ve heard a bit about this treatment modality she it sounds so interesting.

          • @Aqarius@lemmy.world
            6•5 months ago

            “Ersatz” in English is basically adopted to mean “make-do replacement”. A swamp cooler is an erzats air conditioner, for example.